Chapter Text
Chris’ favorite thing when he woke up Nate was how adorable he was. He always was extra sweet, his movements would be similar to a cats as he stretched and went to lay on top of Chris. It felt as if he was talking to a Nate that was ten times sweeter, which doesn’t mean Nate’s rude but it was such a cute difference to how he would normally act fully awake.
“Beautiful, wake up.” Chris rubbed his arm. “We’re going out later. Remember?”
Nate shuffled, ripping his face away from his pillow and smiling slowly. “Uh-huh..”
“Cutie.” Chris leaned in, kissing his lips.
Nate did the same thing when he woke up like this, he stretched and arched his back to get rid of the ache that Chris usually caused. Then he would roll over and lay on Chris’ chest until they got up to get ready. Nate did just that, he kissed Chris’ neck and whispered.
“Choose my outfit.”
“What?” Chris looked at him. “Really?”
“Yeah.. since ya always wanna diss my outfits.” Nate pouted, rolling off of him and signaling him to get on with it.
“It’s like you’re my little doll.” Chris said, rubbing his sides with a grin on his face.
Nate shook his head. “Don’t word it like that.. I don’t like it.”
Chris nodded. “Okay, get up baby.”
Nate whined as Chris slipped away, watching him go into his bag and pick out an outfit for the mom. They were planning on going out with Matt and Nick to walk through a forest they would go to since they were younger. That’s where Nate and Chris used to threaten to push each other into the water. The memory slipped his mind as Chris tugged him by the ankle to the edge of the bed.
“Hey!” Nate shouted.
“I’m changing you.” Chris stated.
“I— I can change myself!” Nate protested.
Chris knew that. He continued to take off his pajama pants, then his boxers. Leaning in and giving him a kiss on his inner thighs, smiling against his warm skin as Nate got chills throughout his body. He had him sit up to replace his shirt, one he always saw Chris wear. Nate gave him a weird look.
“This is your shirt.”
“It looks nice on you. You should wear my clothes more often,” He kissed him a bit roughly. “It’s nice.”
Nathan swallowed. A part of it felt oddly territorial, he’s never seen Chris act possessive. If that’s what this could be called but the only thing he’s seen close to that was when he punched Matt for looking at him. He noticed Chris glaring at him.
“What?”
“Your necklace. Why aren’t you wearing it?” Chris almost sounded sad and it freaked him out.
“It’s- I think— in the bathroom when we showered. I took it off.” He got up to get it, but Chris sat him back down and left to get it himself.
Chris came back, the necklace in hand and he put it around Nate in silence. When he clipped it together he walked back and scanned him up and down.
“You really are perfect. Now let me go change.”
Nate watched as he grabbed his own clothes. It felt like something changed between them at that moment, and a part of him likes it.
-
Chris went downstairs with Nate following, Nate stopped at the living room to sit on the couch with Trevor. He walked into the kitchen to meet his two brothers, he noticed there was tension in the atmosphere. It felt as if he had walked into a conversation he should not know about.
“What’s going on?” Chris asked, a bit worried as he saw how tense they both looked.
Nick stood up, handing Chris his phone which displayed a post on TikTok that had nearly a million likes already. He felt his heart drop as he read it and swiped through the photos.
This can’t be happening, not right now. Things were going so good and he was finally the happiest he’d been in a while.
“Chris Sturniolo and Nate Doe were caught kissing outside a restaurant! Swipe to see.”
His hands trembled as he swiped. There was one his most vulnerable moments from an angle that definitely a passerby took on the screen. It was definitely impossible to deny it, the photo was good quality and they were so recognizable. He should’ve known he was being an idiot kissing Nate in public like that, he forgets that something like this can happen.
“f*ck.” Chris gave him back his phone, his heartbeat fastened.
“Holy sh*t, Chris. Sit down, you look pale.” Matt pulled him to sit next to him.
Chris rubbed his face. He hadn’t even been able to come out and now everyone knows he’s dating a man. He feels guilty that he’s embarrassed. He never wants to hide Nate from anyone.
“They- they know I’m..” Chris choked on his own words. “I’m not ready.”
Nick went next to him and hugged him, rubbing his arm. “I know. This sucks, but we can take a break from filming for a bit. Okay? We’ll figure this out. I’ve seen the comments and our fans were being nice. They were even saying to take down the post.”
“I’m glad..” Chris tried his best to sound optimistic, but he couldn’t.
Nate walked in, holding Trevor in his arms with a smile. It quickly disappeared as he saw Chris’ expression. “Chris?”
Matt got up to show him the post, he put Trevor down and looked nearly as shocked as Chris. His reaction shocked the other three boys in the room.
“Chris, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have.. kissed you. I know you might be mad but—”
“No, Nate. It isn’t your fault. This is just something that happened.” Chris got up and placed his hands on his arms.
“I know. I was being stupid though, now everyone knows. I understand if..” Nate went silent, glancing at Nick and Matt.
Chris looked behind his shoulder, asking them to leave.
Chris looked back at Nate and waited for him to continue talking. “I understand if you’re mad at me.”
“No. I’m not mad at you, I’m mad at whichever idiot uploaded that.” Chris groaned, hugging him and hiding in his neck. “Sometimes I wish we were normal so people didn’t make it a big deal.”
Nate froze, he pulled away from him. “Normal?”
Chris raised an eyebrow. “Yeah. Like if you weren’t a guy.”
Nate’s eyes watered as he spoke, his lower lip quivering but he bit it to stop it. “Would you love me more if I was a girl?”
“What?”
“Because this isn’t normal, right?” He signaled between the two. “I bet if I was a girl, you’d probably already have told everyone we’re together.”
“Nate, this is different. I didn’t wanna tell people I like guys because that’s- different. It’s not what people think of me. You don’t really expect me to be proud of this?”
Chris looked offended as he said this. This made it worse.
Nate felt his heart break, rubbing his eyes. “I didn’t.. think you weren’t proud of us.”
Chris didn’t understand what the deal was. He was being honest. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to show off Nate, it was difficult for him to say he was still embarrassed that he was dating a man. He had no problem with it even before he discovered that part of himself. It was just hard for him to accept it, a part of him is scared that others won’t.
“It’s not that I’m not.”
“You just said that.” Nate backed away, when Chris tried to grab his hands he put his own into his pockets.
“Nate, stop. You’re making this harder.” Chris furrowed his eyebrows. “We can just ignore all of this and go back to normal.”
“But we aren’t normal. According to you.” Nate mumbled, he tried to keep himself together.
“f*ck, why are you being so difficult? I already have to deal with this post and sh*t. Now I’m going to be forced to tell so many people.” Chris raised his voice.
“I’m sorry I’m such an inconvenience.” Nate said, mockingly making a pout face. “f*ck off. Since this is so embarrassing for you- maybe you should just date a girl then.”
Chris froze. “What? Baby, don’t say that. I only want you.”
Nate didn’t reply, he reached behind his neck. Chris was confused until he heard the noise of his necklace hitting the counter.
“I don’t want to be with someone who is ashamed of me.”
“No, Nate. Please don’t do this.” Chris’ voice cracked, he hugged him in an attempt to stop him from walking out. “I love you.”
“I know.” Nate pulled off of him, looking at him one more time before leaving the house. “Just not enough to show everyone else, huh?”
Chris couldn’t say anything. He just watched the love of his life leave with tears running down his face, he grabbed the necklace. Unsure of what to do with it as it felt wrong to put it back on. His body ran on autopilot as he went to put it back into his nightstands drawer, ignoring the traces that Nate left in his room.
If anyone knew how this might feel it must be Nick. He walked over to his room, knocking and waiting for him to open it. He’d normally barge in but he is unsure of how to act.
Nick opened it, confused until he saw Chris’ face.
“N-Nate left me.” Chris said, his voice cracking and breaking down into sobs.
“Oh my god.” Nick’s eyes widened, pulling him into a hug. “Chris, what the f*ck happened? You guys were alone for like ten minutes.”
Chris shook his head, unsure of what he meant by it but he held onto Nick and cried into his chest.
“I ruined it- all of it.” Chris pulled back, wiping his tears. “I told him we it would be easier if we were straight and how we aren’t normal- and-”
“You what?!” Nick’s eyes widened even more. “That’s honestly the sh*ttiest thing you could say to your boyfriend, especially when it’s your first gay relationship.”
Chris looked up at him. “I-I didn’t know. I was trying to be honest. I’m just so f*cking- ashamed and stressed out now that everyone knows I’m bisexual.”
Nick sighed, wiping his tears with his hand. “I know you must be. This is all new to you, but imagine how Nate feels. He was trying to help you that night, and it turned into such a big problem for you. Then you go around and say that you wish he was something he’s not. This is Nate’s first time being with a guy too, he also has to come out.”
Nick pulled Chris by his arm, sitting down onto his bed and handing him a tissue box. He sat beside him and watched as he composed himself, Nick rubbed his back in circles.
“I want him back. I told him I wanted to marry him.” Chris whispered, toying with the cardboard folds of the tissue box.
Nick’s eyes watered when he heard that. He got emotional seeing this because he knows Chris is so full of love it makes him stupid. It reminds him of when he was inexperienced in his first couple of relationships. Seeing Chris hunched over and sniffling reminded him of their childhood when one of them would start crying.
“If you do, you have to be really smart and thoughtful about this apology.” Nick said softly, grabbing his hand and patting it. “Think about what you did and what you’re going to do to make it right.”
Chris looked at his older brother, nodding his head. Unable to hold back his smile. “Thank you.”
Chris went back to his room, sadly moving Nate’s clothes off his bed to sit down on his own. It felt as if he was hollowed out from the inside. Without Nate it felt like a part of his soul left him, the part that made him good. If Nate didn’t forgive him he isn’t sure what he’ll do. What hurts him most is knowing he must have Nate feel ashamed or that he needs to be hidden. That’s the last thing he wanted to do.
His heart is hurting thinking of Nate going home by himself and having to sleep alone. It had been a while since either of them had to do that.
